Rhodes: The final frontier

These are the voyages of the Starship, Easy Rider.

Its weekly mission;

  • To explore strange new routes
  • To seek out new coffee stops and new species of fauna
  • To boldly commute where no cyclist has commuted before.

 Star Date 151010

Six Alliance members assembled for Federation briefings in the Kisso Constellation:

  • Commander Spock Phantom
  • First Officer Yuri Satnav
  • Ships Engineer “Scotty” Chippo
  • Ships Doctor “Bones” Bullet
  • Lieutenant TFS Sulu
  • Ensign Richard “Lynskey” Uhura

Transmissions had been intercepted that the Rhomulans were planning a raid on the Bullet System (Federation member) looting, pillaging and generally absconding in a strategic play to secure viewing rights to the wealth of resources on display during the celestial event known as the Aurora Fauna Oculus. The raiding party was headed by non-other than the Evil Rhomulan Warlord – Half Khan, ably abetted by the Dastardly Commander Beebs.

The point of attack was said to be out of the Marshmallow Nebulae.

In the absence of The Captain (on extended furlough) Commander Spock Phantom took the helm;

“Gentlemen, the logical course of action would be to reach the Bullet System before the Rhomulans, commandeer the strategic positions, use the element of surprise to gain the advantage, and negotiate a peaceful treaty.”

Bones Bullet retorted, “And just how do you plan to do that, Pin Ears? The Marshmallow Nebulae is far and away the most direct route. They’ll be there parsecs before us.”

Satnav concurred adding, “Ve vill be a long vay behind and wery much slower, according to ze co-ordinets, Keptin….. excuse me, Kommenda.”

“Then we haven’t a moment to lose,” replied Spock Phantom, “Mr Chippo, prepare for the jump to hyperspace, set thrust to a warp factor of 8.”

“Hoots, toots, och aye the noo, Commander! She’s only just had a service and the new Dilithium Crahnkset  hasne  bin ron in, but I’ll do ma’ best .“ replied Scotty Chippo.

Strapping themselves in for an intergalactic adventure against impossible odds Spock gave the command, “Jump to Hyperspace!”

Bones grumbled, “Of all hair-brained, pin headed, Vulcan ideas……. I wish the Captain was here.”

As the Universe dissolved into an algorithmic equation, the space time continuum prolapsed creating a vortex of pulsating energy that hurtled the Easy Rider through space at mind bending speeds. The Meadowbank Miasma became a vapour of perception, the Concordia Belt slipped seamlessly through view and the Five Dock Black Hole remained just that.

Before you could say “I seem to having a problem with my lifestyle” the Easy Rider was traversing the Lilyfield Asteroid belt. Spock looked at his Parsecometer.

“Mr Chippo, we can still make it. Can you go any faster….”

 “She’s givin me all she’s gort, Commander. Ah canna do eny more. If ah doo shill break ento pieces” cried the desperate Chief Engineer.

“Then divert all power from the shields and re-direct to the main engines! Do it now!”

“Ah dornt know if it’ll werk and it’ll leave us vulnerable to the Rhomulans. Half Khan taekes nor prisoners!” Chippo protested in his thickest Scottish brogue

“That’s an order, Mr Chippo!”

“You’ll kill us all you Logic obsessed Pixie!” Bones Bullet howled.

“We’re almost there. Set water bottles to stun, let’s not start an intergalactic incident unless they fire first.”

The Easy Rider arrived at the Bullet System ahead of the Rhomulans traversing the Western Galaxy in an incredible 60 parsecs to secure the prime viewing positions for occurrence of the Aurora Fauna Oculus.

Half Kahn was indignant in defeat, “Curse you Spock, I will have my revenge. Make mine a latte.”

All’s well, order restored to the Universe.

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