Category Archives: Ride Report

Queen’s Birthday Roll

Queen’s Birthday Roll

So the description on the box was a OAFATSR and what can one gather from that, if it is on an ER box.. there is a long history of banter regarding what is constituted by the label slowest rider… I take it to mean something like intellectually challenged because it has nothing to do with the speed at which a person can turn the pedals and still breath.

Getting to an Easy ride for YHC is often a challenge, there are some parts that say .. just pedal up as you don’t take a sword to a gun fight and taking a car to bike ride rates about the same in ER circles.. then the other parts that usually win say .. sleep in and drive up.. ( for a 7:30 kick off so go figure ) ..

So YHC was out of the garret at a ridiculous hour and had to tiptoe down the spiral staircase from the south tower well before the dawn.. on reaching the drawbridge realised that no bidon was present and therefore would not be participating on the ride as nothong was going to make me climb the stairs to fetch it.. ( note to self if the lift breaks again on the weekend.. I will live out of the freezer and cruise the net instead of going out )

Collecting the Willier from the stable and loading it into the Float took mere moments as the float was repositioned into a local street the night before since it usually lives a couple of suburbs away where there is free parking..yes it is an inner west in joke. ( except if you live in Annandale …there it is pitch forks and brickbats for anyone not recognised as a street local)

Driving the highway on a Public holiday is interesting, all cars are actually doing the speed limit which for this rare driver, is quite discombobulating, usually this behavior is scorned and any who should attempt to do so is aggressively dealt with.. but double demerits converts these otherwise lead foots into vigilante law enforcement officers..very strange indeed.

Arrival at the Patto car park with 40 minutes to spare was a great plan, but not so good in practice, lucky facebook is there for such occasions and before you could comment on 15 news feeds, ERs started arriving in the usual groupettos.. lead by Laurie of course. Lunchie arrived and with 15 mins to spare took himself to a restaurant .. Admin thankfully brought the proceedings to order with a swift briefing, there to be no scratching no gouging and no blows below the belt .. the usual.

Lucy arrived at the moment a camera was drawn for the group shot.. Chippo wore covered shoes.. Turnip broke rib for the roll out, as one does. The roads were a sheen of dew in the morning light and rather free of traffic, and the sun was not far off the horizon when the bugle went for the charge of the hubbard brigade..and what a fanfare..

YHC rolled out early but pulled over immediately to ensure that Strava was tracking as you all know the drill if it ain’t on Strava ..

Each of the 20 riders made sure YHC was ok before pedalling off at speed.. except Admin.. his dedication to duty should have been recognised by her Maj on the list alas not this year although another Ex member 52 was there,  but 52 has not been serving the ER cause for yonks congrats to him though for his service to cycling in general.. BNSW in particular.

This ride was billed as a no cups ride, and YHC was going to ensure that was the case.. pedalling through the ranks to the front of the peloton then slowing down..but could not quite get through the peloton before the first hill so was therefore out the back in a jiffy.

Plenty of opportunity ensued though as Turnip blew his tyre to break up the lead group’s rhythm. YHC and Bucky rolled ahead to the first regroup point at Gentleman’s pace. ( to find Chippo and Flash already there and Pink and Blue ) the ride was unfolding to  ER perfection. Some helping out mates others fearful of being dropped ( yes Moi ) rolling on and listening for the loud banter to approach from behind. Before long a few more arrived and Chippo called for the winners to follow him out and see youse all at the next regroup.

An anti clockwise Akuna loop is quite a special ride, you get to glide where you normally sweat and sweat where you normally glide, but thanks to Tony you know who and his hotmix every inch of this ride is now sweet and smooth, by this time the road was dry and conditions perfect .. marvellous even.

Regroup 3 at the Marina bantering on YHC found a perfect paced climb alongside the Pink an Blues.. to be caught by Bucky just short of the third false top, and in time to see Admin speeding down to find the Lucy groupetto and bring it back into the fold.

YHC enjoying a very well aspirated and whinge free ride , regroup 4 at the fork, and found Flash slowly peeling off the front to ride solo, sorry Flash but YHC had to have a wheel to chase and yours was it.. even the Nasty little Hill was not so nasty today at Flash pace.. So it was YHC and Flash arrived ( behind Nice As and Chippo who were already eating their brekky so well behind them ) .. and infront of the ER bunch.. a strategic queue jump but socially unforgivable ploy.

The Café were working like the proverbial one legged arse kicker. But the only ER who was delayed beyond the bounds of good manners was our Admin.. his patience only matched by one old fella called Job. ( OK Admin we’ll have you beatified soon ).


There is going to be published some fake news soon.. Flash will try and say there is BT eating the evil wheat.. Saaaad. He will even try and say his photo is real.. even more  saaaaad. He is weak and a loser. However I highly recommend the ‘ Tradies ‘ Egg and Bacon roll .. to die for.

YHC apologies to all who did not get a mention, ( sorry Bullet Le ) and for the utterly predictable nature of this ride report.. and pays homage to the keepers of this sacred space and the traditional owners of the ER IP.

Captain if you even read this may the wind be on your back etc etc.